Hiking with the girls!

And D.

I don't think he will go with us again after some of our "girl conversations" he witnessed, but it sure was fun holding his hand up the hill!!

Jury duty?

I think I totally missed the boat on getting out of it.  I didn't read my paper thoroughly and sure enough there was a section I could have filled out and sent back about trying to get out.  I have a legit reason.  BABY at home and no day care... UGH~ Now my date starts Monday and even if I mail it over night tomorrow, unless the Jury services is open on Sat. they won't get it on time.  I am so dumb!!!

Cut to: I have to go to court on Tuesday for my "failure to appear" which is such crap!!  I filled out the paper work and sent it in requesting a court date and they conveniently didn't get it.  ???  GIMMICK much?

Too much to think about.  Good night!

Muffy in da house~

Yay!  I get to spend a couple hours with my Chrissy before I fade into oblivion!  It brings back such fond memories of the years we were inseparable!

Night night...

 

20 years...

...and it still feels the same!  The pain and the heartache is as real as the night I got the phone call.  I don't like to go back to that memory, in fact I rarely do, but in order to heal completely it is only right to share some of the emotion that goes along with such a moment.  I can recall answering the phone at my grandma's house.  I can hear my stepfathers voice.  I can see the phone hitting the floor and yelling for my grandma.  I don't remember driving to the hospital.  I don't remember walking into her room.  I do remember being left completely alone with her and climbing in her hospital bed. I remember laying on my side next to her.  I can see her lying on her back and her eyes were closed.  She was still warm.  I put my arm over her body and began to sob.  I don't remember when I took a breath.  I know I said a few different things to her, I remember saying that I would make her proud, I would never forget her, and that she would be my best friend for life.  I don't know how long I was there.  It felt like a long time.  I think they let me be for a while.  I remember being scooped up in fetal position, still sobbing and taken home.  I remember whaling in my half asleep and half awake night that went on forever...  I still don't remember breathing.  I was numb, that I know for sure.  I was in a state of shock.  When the morning came, I remember thinking it was all a terrible dream.  It was not.  I started all over again.  The crying, screaming, shivering.  I can feel all of it now as I type.  Those are feelings you can never ever forget.  No matter how deep you bury them and how little you share them.  

20 years.  Doesn't seem right!  Can I be that old?  I have known Darrin almost half of my life, and yet he never met my mom... so strange.  I am less than a year away from being the same age that she was when she got sick.  I am only 6 years away from death.  What?  How is that possible?  I am not that old!!!          

Mom, there is not a day that goes by where I don't think of you.  I miss you terribly!  I know you are with me every minute of my life.  I know you are the reason I am here and very much the woman that I am today!  I know you loved me.  You told me that as often as you could.  You taught me so much about life even as young as I was.  I know you didn't want to go, I can't even imagine how you felt knowing you were going.  I don't ever want to think about leaving my babies behind... I am so sorry you had to.  I pray often that you can come back to me, just once, and I can hear you, smell you, hold you and tell you I love you!  It isn't fair that you didn't get to hear that enough when you were here.  I was too young to know, to understand just what that means.  Thank you for being my angel.  Thank you for sending me my sweetheart, my babies and all that is good!  I know you have been a part of it all!  I am so blessed, and I am certain it is because of my angel!  

Forgive me for grieving still.  I never imagined that 20 years later, I would still have so much pain, but  it really never goes away, it never "gets easier" you just deal.  You never forget, you just live.  I know I will see you again, and I wish more than anything, you will tell me I did make you proud!  I love you!  You are the wind beneath my wings!   

   

Yay Aubrey!!!

Super proud of how this girl is doing on the piano.  Here is a little sampling...

Happy Easter!!!!

Tried to get all three...

She wasn't havin it!

So I got a cute picture of the good ones...

And just gave her her basket!!

It was a beautiful day!  Hope you had a lovely one too!

William S. Hart park...

Have not been since high school.  It was a fun day.  Grandpa and Grammy liked it!  They headed back to Utah :(  

What a great week having them here!  Miss you already!  Thanks for all your help!!!

Three words...

Water for elephants!!!! Yum all around!

Think Blue!

Three generations at a Dodger game!  So fun!

Ball field memories!

It was so wonderful having the grandparents at Dalin's game!  He was excited!!   

Dalin's cousin and "friend" Jacob came too!!

Please daddy???????

Went and looked at kitties today!  They were so cute!  Daddy is saying no, but we will work on him!!!  

Aren't I cute???  You need me!!

Miss independent...

I am home!!

And too tired to post!

See ya tomorrow~

Families can be together forever!!

So proud of you Megan!  

Playin with little grandpa...

We made it to Utah!!  Halle took to grandpa right away.  She was so happy to be here and have all kinds of new toys to play with.  Thanks guys for watchin my pumpkin!!

 Tomorrow is Meg's big day!!!  So happy to be here to share it with her!

Date night... in.

Hubby and I are tucked in and watching Country Strong!  :)  We went to I-Hop for dinner.  Our thing this week was to find out where the kids can eat free?!  We did TGIFridays on Monday, La Cocina on Tuesday and I-Hop tonight.  GENIUS!

I am leaving on a jet plane tomorrow.  Halle and I are off to Utah to see family.

I am now going to spend time with my date.

Oh so clingy!

This is how she has been the last few days!  She is mama's girl, but she has been more clingy lately.  At least she is cute!!!

And how cute are these two?

Poor baby!

Aubrey does not do well at the dentist.  This face says it all!!!!!

My kid!!!!!

Can you say yum!!!!!!!

Sunday...

I am writing from my new phone! I am not totally in love yet but I can see how people would be! I can't believe I got one after all my rants about how dumb they are. I do love sneaky pix though! Pretty spy like. I am reaching for things to talk about so I will just stop. Back to school tomorrow!

Good times!

This was not easy for me to do... but you have to let your kids have fun right???

It is time...

I am done with my to go phone.  I just may go to the apple store tomorrow?!  UGH~ I am caving!!!!!!

Happy birthday to my beautiful KAGE~  Hope you had a great day!  XO

Goodbye Mexico!

Day five and we are home now.  All of us were sad to go.  This was actually the first time I was not ready to leave!  Until next time...

Happy Birthday Aubrey!!

My sweet girl is 7 years old today!  We are having a blast here in Mexico!  She had a great day!  We got her hair done in braids this morning on the beach.  We headed to Cabo San Lucas where we had lunch and played in the ocean.  She went on the banana tube with Dalin, dad and Jennie.  When we got back, we swam and then went to dinner.  She came back and opened her presents and then swam at night.  That she was very excited about!  I can only hope that she will remember this day and look on it with fond memories.  It is quite a birthday spending it in Mexico!

Aubrey, I have had flashbacks all day to 7 years ago in NY when you came to us.  We were so excited to be having a baby!  We waited a long time for you.  You were so perfect and so big!!!  You still are my baby... You have the same big eyes and big dimpled cheeks.  You are a beautiful little girl inside and out!  Thank you for being so good and such a wonderful example to Dalin and Halle~ I know you and I butt heads a bit, but that is because we are so much alike and for that I am thankful.  I have a glimpse of the woman you will be!  Perfect!  He he.  Always know that daddy and I are so proud of you and love you more than you can ever understand!  Well at least until you become a mommy, then you may have an idea!

Happy birthday my darlin!  XO

Mexico day 4...

Mexico day 3

Woke up again at 9.  Brilliant!  D headed down to the pool to secure our spots.  We stayed til about 5 again.  Getting nice and tan.  The kids made some friends.  We went into town for dinner.  I love downtown San Jose Del Cabo.  It is such a charming town.  We went to our restaurant we go to every time we come.  Then walked around.  I went to a store that had a nativity that I have thought about since July.  They still had it.  D surprised me and bought it for me.  It is gorgeous!  Thanks hun~ 

Everyone is out.  The water and sun sure makes em tired and hungry.  Halle is eating so good and sleeping even better!

Happy birthday Kim!  So happy we are friends! 

Mexico day one and two

So far, it has been perfect!  We got to sleep til 9 this morning.  :)  We headed down to the pool at about 10.  D and I took turns at the gym.  Yes, gym on vacation, what is wrong with me?  We stayed by the pool til about 5.  Headed to town for tacos.  Jennie ate more than Darrin.  Hee hee.  When we got back we had ice cream.  Good thing I went to the gym!  Dalin and daddy headed down to the beach party while the girls laid on the balcony.  Now it is time for bed so we can get up and do it all over again!

Look at my big girl!

So happy to be here!

Daddy and his kids

Me and Jennie

Reporting from paradise!

Just wanted to say we got here at our place at about 4 safe and sound.  We swam and ate then went to the market and ate again.  It is so amazing here!  It is really beginning to feel like home when we come here.  Jennie is here with us and it is fun to see it through her as though we haven't been before.

I am functioning on 2 hours of sleep.  I am off to bed.  I am so tired I can barely type.  I will post pix tomorrow and more detail.

Pre birthday bash!

I took Aubrey and two of her best friends to late lunch at CPK today to celebrate her birthday since we won't be here.  Grandma and Grandpa Johnson came and Ashley and Kim.

They took the kids on a tour of the restaurant and then let them make their own pizza's, get their own drinks and Aubrey was little miss waitress.  It was very cute.

Here are some pix...

April fools...

Couldn't top last year so I didn't even bother trying!  Last year I put D's car on craigslist.  BRILLIANT~ he got calls at work asking about his car for sale.  Hee hee.

I tried to move his car tonight before he had to go to work, but he took one look outside and came back in and asked where I put his car?  Me being a truly terrible actress with stuff like this, I giggled and said what are you talking about?  The kids yelled April fools and that was it.

My friend Theresa is the GREATEST when it comes to ideas for this day.  It is her favorite day of the year!  This year she borrowed a friends dog and surprised the kids with it when they woke up and then the friend came and got it tonight.  Poor babies, they thought they had a new dog!

Kim made cupcakes that looked like sushi and one that was spaghetti and meatballs and another that looked like mashed potatoes and gravy.  Cute.

Did anyone have any good ones?

Mexico is a day away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!